My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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