He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
