that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
