I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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