that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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