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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?

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• (516): View more from New York

  And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her

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• (631): View more from New York

  these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.

  (631): View more from New York

  i got hit in the ear.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Soooo, coming over soon?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?

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• (619): View more from California

  Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.

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• (415): View more from California

  So is he the one who got away?

  (619): View more from California

  They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.

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