Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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