Who wears a wallet chain?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
