"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
