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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize