Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
