also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
