Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's great music for shaving your balls
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
