I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
