I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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