Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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