Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
