ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.