honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.