Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.