Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.