Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?