Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
