I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
