Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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