After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
