did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
