when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
