Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
