I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
