IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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