take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it penis luge time yet?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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