I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
