my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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