whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
