Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
