just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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