I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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