Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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