I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
