i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
