so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
