So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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