Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
