and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
