Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just cropdusted the office
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
