Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
