Got a toothbrush?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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