I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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