recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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