Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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