Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
