Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
