Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
