You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
