My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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