It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
