There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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