I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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