I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
