My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
