About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize