Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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