as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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