she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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