he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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