I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
