why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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