You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
