i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Gay?
German.
Pity.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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