Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
