I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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