u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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