I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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