saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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